Last jokes

Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

Karien: Don't care. You know what you did.

Jalie: I don't know what you mean. I did nothing! I'm telling the truth!

Karien: Sure. So you mean you never texted Oerien last night around 2:00 AM?

Jalie: NO, I NEVER DID THAT!

Karien: Jalie, stop the story telling. You were the one who had my phone yesterday. Just stop.

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?

The doctor taking off his watch.

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"

The last number of your like is the Amogus you get.

1: Amogus trollface

2: Frogus

3: Amogus in 2013

4: Chogus

5: Classic Amogus

6: Wait this isn't Amogus

7: Amogus drip

8: Amog sus

9: Amog stuff

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

Last night little Johnny went to his room and saw people hanging out there, little balls.

Hey guys, it's Gwen, and I want to say that I'm deleting my account regarding a comment made on my last post :(

In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

Last night I had the strangest dream!

I sailed away to China!

And I caught the coronavirus!

You said you needed to wash your hands!

Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!

And you said!!

Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!

Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!

Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."

1: My grandpa died last year.

2: What kind of cancer?

1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I bought a white Xbox to last longer, and I bought a black Xbox to run faster.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.