I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
I will always remember my baby sisters last words."What is the fire for?".
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
a blonde a brunette and a redhead are robbing a bank. the police are soon after them so they hide in a bunch of barrels. the police arrive and search the area, they come over too the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it, the brunette says "woof". "oh, it's just a dog" says the police officer and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. the redhead says "meow", "oh it's just a cat" says the officer then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden the blonde says "potato"
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
Last night I had a dream of led but your mom won't led me tell you.
We were talking about ancient ruins last week so I said they can ruin your day!!!đđ¤Ł
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, youâre talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because itâs always in your mouth.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
Bank owner:if you want to start a bank account, I need ur name. Guy:Robin Bank owner: ur last name? Guy:Debank Bank owner: Robin Debank? Guy: put your hands up and give me all the money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
once we went to a light bulb party last night , YO it was freakin lit.
+
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
if I was to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crummy"
My girlfriend's last words:
"I canât wait to become a mom!"
Max heart and his gay cousin nickals amoto say i back out a fight when he said let's fight then last minute he said he don't want to then says i chickened out i ready to fight but his gut swolled his arms he actually looks like humpty dumpty but just wanted to say he backed out + max and nickals are both gay with each other
