New Last Jokes - Page 25 - Worst Jokes Ever

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"IM ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS,!"

Albert is an homophobic guy, His cousin Franco also an homophobic guy.

Albert's aunt and cousin have visited his parents, but Albert wasn't knowing that because he came late at night, Franco was sleeping in Albert's bed thinking he would not come at home, Albert laid on his bed thinking there's no one on it, and then they started fucking ^_*

No phobia lasts forever 👌😂

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?

Two large planes!

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

"You gave me the same sweater as last year."

"You s w e a t e r believe it."

What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?

Its butt.

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

Three nuns up to Mother Teresa and say Mother Teresa we would not like to be eaten anymore Mother Teresa says okay but first you have to do something Unholy so they a leave and come back 3 days later the first one the first one says Mother Teresa I did something Unholy I took a little kids bike Mother Teresa says okay who drink from the holy water and you are free to go II unlocks upset I did it something worse than her I slept with a married man the last nun walks up and says I did something worse than all of them Mother Teresa says oh god oh gosh are there in the third nut and says I peed in the holy water

I could never forget my grandfathers last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

I'll remember my last words...."SORRY IM NOT SORRY"

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.

I remember my uncle's last words:

"I don't think we're going shooting today."

I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been awhile since the last presidential assassination...

Friend Hey did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kanes is amazing! What did you do this weekend I did-

Me Dude are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.

So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.