Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Last Jokes
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Albert is a homophobic guy. His cousin Franco is also a homophobic guy.
Albert's aunt and cousin have visited his parents, but Albert didn't know that because he came late at night. Franco was sleeping in Albert's bed, thinking he would not come home. Albert laid on his bed, thinking there was no one on it, and then they started fucking ^_*
No phobia lasts forever 👌😂
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
