Last jokes
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
How did pioneers name Canada?
They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"
That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
What was the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Lololol get it? They fell from like 100 feet.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Why did Oliver have no friends?
His last name was Clothesoff, and all the other kids would get in trouble whenever they would ask to play with Oliver Clothesoff.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”
I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”
I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”
The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"