My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
Ill never forget my grampa's last words, "stop shaking the ladder you cunt"
I had a dream I was a muffler last night.... I woke up EXHAUSTED 😂😃
What is Pink Floyd in Princess Diana have in common Their last big hit was the wall
I will never forget my grandpa's last words: What the fuck is in this drink
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?
Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!
Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?
Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?
Bianca: It's Bianca!
Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"
Friend B: "I was until last night."
Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"
Friend B: "Your sister."
Friend A: "I don't have a sister."
Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
My name is Shelly Bobby... I don't know my last name.
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?
Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people
yo momma is so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing
