Last Will Jokes

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

HARRY POTTER MEMES

The image contains a collage of different scenes and text from the Harry Potter movies. In one image, Umbridge says 'ADMIT IT. YOU WANTED HER DEAD MORE THAN VOLDEMORT!' Another image contains Dumbledore saying 'I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR PARENTS, BUT NO SPELL CAN REAWAKEN THE DEAD, HARRY. I TRUST YOU KNOW THAT. EXCEPT FOR THE TIME TURNER. WE'LL USE THAT TO SAVE BUCKBEAK.' Another image says 'Neville's parents... They suffered something worse than death. What?' Another image shows Voldemort with the text 'VOLDEMORT IS AFTER SOMETHING. SOMETHING HE DIDN'T HAVE LAST TIME. A NOSE?' Another image shows Harry and Ron with Hermione, and the text 'I HAVE MY ARMY' 'WE HAVE NOSES'. Another image shows a random woman saying 'ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS RUN STRAIGHT INTO THAT BRICK WALL OVER THERE AND YOU'LL END UP ON PLATFORM 9 AND 3/4. RANDOM WOMAN YOU'VE JUST MET TELLS YOU TO RUN INTO A BRICK WALL IN ORDER TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE.' and 'SOUNDS LEGIT'. Another image asks 'Why is the Ravenclaw symbol an eagle? What other animal would you want it to be?'. and 'maybe, a Raven?'. The last image has the text 'HOW TO BUILD A PREST'

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed that I only had a crock pot.😅

I ate Taco Bell last night. I pooped out your hairline.

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

Did you know Princess Diana's last dress she wore was white? But afterwards, it was red.

Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”

Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”

He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?