It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely, Billy replied with "whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
Last time Kenny ate a vegetable he got banned from his mom's nursing home.
I'll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom why is my name Rose?"
The mom responded, "Well you see, when were you born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"
The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals on your head."
The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"
The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
i'll never forget my dads last words before he kicked the bucket: "hey, look how far i can kick this bucket!!"
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents? My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that son.
Kate ate food coloring last night she said she was dying inside
Battery 1%
I take one last look at earth as my suit runs out of power
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a muscle.
Life is like a box of chocolates it doesn’t last long for people
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out. "He doesn't love me anymore!!" The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because ,most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis' the officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
Last Christmas was awesome, the whole family came.
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain"
My friend said to me that I am gay my response I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night
Whats the difference between a dad and an Emo? they both dont last awhile
Last night i had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't REEL
I asked an orphan where his mom was he started crying so I said it again And well that was my last day at the orphanage
I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died "can you stop shaking the latter please"
