Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
i will never forget my mother and fathers last words
WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE
your moms so fat the photo from last Christmas is still printing
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
imagine this senario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses,diseases,etc in the world but cooler like this: "bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc" and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.
That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.
That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.
"Welcome to mama mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last weeks lost is this weeks sauce."
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea. (Fantasy)
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
What was Stephens hawking last words? I'm lagging
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon
