Language jokes
Why is every number scared of 7?
Because 7 "ate" 9.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
Memes
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
A single sentence walks into a bar.
Who is Joe?
You reply back: Who is Candice?
They reply back: Who is Candice?
You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."
What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.
What do French ducks say?
Quoi quoi.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. No body, nose.
What are the 3 shortest words in the English language?
“Is It In?”
Spell "I cup..." "I see you pee!"
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."
JK.
Spell "IOUT", no space.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
I entered ten puns in a joke contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.