Know jokes

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.

Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”

Friend 1: “Yeah.”

Friend 2: “Yea.”

Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”

Friend 3: “I love anime.”

Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Not the two Twin Towers.

You know, 9/11 jokes aren't funny, they're just PLANE wrong!

Did you know the "w" in Africa stands for water?

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

He could feel it in his bones!

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.

Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?

They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.

Do you know why orphans can't get married?

Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

Do you know 6+3?

Other person: Nine.

Nein is no in German.