Know jokes

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?

She didn't.

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.

WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!

An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"

"No," replies the adopted kid.

"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.

If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.

Like if you dislike emos.

I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.

Albert is a homophobic guy. His cousin Franco is also a homophobic guy.

Albert's aunt and cousin have visited his parents, but Albert didn't know that because he came late at night. Franco was sleeping in Albert's bed, thinking he would not come home. Albert laid on his bed, thinking there was no one on it, and then they started fucking ^_*

No phobia lasts forever 👌😂

What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?

They fight and... You know the rest.

What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?

A widow.

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

You know what to do with this?

Get it to the same amount of dislikes and likes!

Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.

A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?

There was none, it was all white!