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Know-how

Know-how jokes

Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?

Person: Yea, why?

Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?

I know how to use an exercise band.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.

What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

Domi-don't-knows...

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”

The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”

You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

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    • The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

    Hi, I...

    Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

    The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

    Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

    "One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

    How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?

    I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?

    With a degree!

    My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

    Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

    Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

    Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

    Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

    Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

    Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

    Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

    Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

    Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

    Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

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    • Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.