The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
My mom show me that she could deep throat a banana. I ask how you know how to do that. My mom said I practice on your step father.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
there are 6 kinds of vitamins.wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made,just ask the ku klux klan they will tell you.
why do orphans have phones? because they don't know how to call home
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
You know how Stephen is smart, which class did he skip?
Leg day.
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Do you know how Chinese people roast? They say, "Boy, if you don't get your chi chong head, boy!"
You know how many people said "this ship will never sink"?
They jinxed it by saying "never sink"
Friend: you know how I like my women like my coffee.... Hot Me: what If you don't like coffee:(
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
