Newest Kitchen Jokes - Page 6

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions I the kitchen onions was such a good dog.

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

i went down to my frigde to grab my dinner i said to the children whose next?

My wife left a note on the fridge, the note read "It's not working" I don't know what she's talking about, I opened the fridge and it worked fine!

you wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "a refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it"

are you my pantry bc u look like a snack ;)

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says” alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here” his mom comes rushing in and says” little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!” After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says,” ok, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in be kitchen”

What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

how do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?

the wheel chair rises to the top

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

When you put the chicken in the oven and it goes down and the oven explodes oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass and all goes back

I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way

This morning I was in the kitchen and I saw some a whole bunch of leftovers brownies made from scratch i just taste one and spit it out because somebody put some godamn weed in them what the fuck.

I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...I bought a Dalek egg timer recently... After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen it's only people who are skinny but the fat people can't have none all they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

Everytime i come in the kitchen my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food like the fried chicken the mashed potatoes the collard greens mac and cheese and the corn bread. Then i said i wanna eat some of that shit i love soul food then i told her you keep it up your fat ass is going to big like house on a haunted hill.