kid:goes to the kitchen mom:what are you doing here? kid : just checking out the knife mom:so you've chosen death
Why did the boy put the potatoes đ„ on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
Jay and Andrew, are best friends whom are almost alike, the difference between them both is Jay is poor and well...Andrew on the other hand is suck-a-dick-poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes-up in his room, walks to the kitchen and asks his mom Lisa (I call her Lisa now btw) if there is anything to eat, "No bitch !" She replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed. Now Andrew...wakes-up jumps out of bed and he's in the kitchen, he sees his mom fixing some for work, after a long hard night of giving her husband blue-balls, "Anything left for me Mother?" Andrew asks "Sorry Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work taking her time * Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself "Man...I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if u do my first customer for me!!! "
hey modda, I'm hungry
My dad...came over late at night...he was drunk...he started telling me how useless I was...then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the chest 47 times......3 minutes later......he died........now Iâm losing mind..and cutting myself....
Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: Whatâs the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
A: Knead for Speed.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Letâs stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: Whatâs a math teacherâs favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Letâs stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: Whatâs a math teacherâs favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Whatâs a fireflyâs favorite dance?
A: The glitterbug.
Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
A: Because they always make-up
via GIPHY
Q: Where do roses sleep at night?
A: In their flowerbed
Q: Why was the show bad at gymnastics?
A: She was a flip-flop
Q: What should you wear to a tea party?
A: A t-shirt
Q: Whatâs rainâs favorite accessory?
A: A rainbow
Q: Where does a sink go dancing?
A: The Dish-co
Q: Whatâs a princessâs favorite time?
A: Knight time.
Q: Why did the Genie get mad?
A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
Q: Whatâs a ballerinaâs favorite type of bread?
A: A bun.
Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
A: Hip hop.
Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
A: Shop âtil they hop.
via GIPHY
Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
A: She nailed it.
Q: What is cornâs favorite music?
A: Pop.
Q: Why canât Monday lift Saturday?
A: Itâs a weak day.
Q: Why was the politician out of breath?
A: He was running for office.
Q: What is a soccer playerâs favorite chemical element?
A: Goooooooooooold!
Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
A: He was a cheetah.
Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
A: Inside.
Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
A: He forgot his lawsuit.
Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
A: He crashed the computer
via GIPHY
Q: Whatâs a ball that you donât throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
A: An eyeball.
Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
A: Shells.
Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?
A: In the fall.
Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
A: Because he knew he would pass.
Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?
A: Because it was flat.
Q: Why didnât the farmer's son study medicine?
A: Because he wanted to go into a different field?
Q: What is the math teacherâs favorite dessert?
A: Pi
Q: Why was the princess in the emergency r
Whatâs the difference between a woman that doesnât belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot? Bigfoot is real
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, Iâve bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Sâtruth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "Youâre stuck fast girl. Iâll go across the road and get me mate Cobber." They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we canât do it!" Cobber said, "So letâs try Plan B" "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "Whatâs that?" "Iâll go home and get me hammer and chisel and weâll break the tiles under her" replied Cobber. "Spot on" Bruce said, "While youâre doing that, Iâll stay here and play with her nipples" "Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate" "No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper"
What is purple, small , and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! đ
what do people often say in a could Mexican kitchen? brrrrrrrito
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.
Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I canât tell you, youâll spread it.
if your Canadian in the kitchen then what are you in the bathroom: European
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, âLook Mama, Iâm a white boy!â His mother smacks him and says, âGo tell your Daddy what you just said!â The boy finds his father and says, âLook Daddy, Iâm a white boy!â His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, âNow, what do you have to say for yourself?â The boy replies, âIâve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!â
did u hear about the new german microwave? it has ten seats in it
Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ainât a chef!
Why do brides wear white?
So the match the kitchen appliances
I ask my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her how did you do that but there was no response.
