King jokes
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
If a king farts, is it a noble gas?
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?
He won't separate the whites from the colors...
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
me after an essay
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
Joe Biden doesn’t follow his own f**king mask mandate.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
Why can't England play chess?
Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
Where did the king put his armies?
In his sleevies.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
"Our souls will rain forever."
So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
Why is Chloe's forehead so big? Because her forehead is king-size.
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.