Killer jokes
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
President Joe Biden was jogging through some different jogging paths around this great county we live in and was jogging through Alabama and fell off into a swamp filled with killer alligators, and these 3 boys named Willie, Roman, and Little Johnny saw him fall in and jumped in and drug him to safety, and the president was like "Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO much. I'm gonna give you boys a reward for saving my life," and asks them what their names were and what they wanted. The first boy said, "My name's Willy, and I want to go to Disneyland," and the president said, "No problem, and I'll take you personally." The 2nd boy said, "My name's Roman, and I want an autographed pair of Air Jordan Nikes," and the president said, "No troubles at all," and the 3rd boy says, "My name's Little Johnny, and I want a power wheelchair with an awesome stereo and killer wheels," and the president says, "You don't look handicapped, Little Johnny," and Little Johnny said, "I'm not, but as soon as I tell my parents who I saved, I will be"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dumplin.
Dumplin who?
Dumplin the killer.
I bought a new camera once. Every shot I took was killer!
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.
Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.
I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.
The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.
Helen Keller, more like hell 'n killer.
A joke.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
Why do orphans hate Ted Bundy? Cause he's the most wanted.