Kids jokes

What are emo kids' least favorite lollies?

Life Savers.

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.

Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

Kid singing “abcd.”

Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

What do me and an emo kid have in common:

We both like to hang.

Why did the sped kid get expelled?

Because he was tardy.

The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?

"Long time no see!"

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.

What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?

Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

Why do blind kids like plane crashes?

Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."