Kids jokes

Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.

How do Chinese people name their kids?

They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."

You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

A guy in a white helmet telling kids to kill themselves.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they all sit in the dark.

An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.

What’s yellow and can’t swim??

A school bus with elementary kids.

Stranger: Knock knock.

Person: Who's there?

Stranger: Sugma.

Person: Sugma who?

Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!

What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.

But if you're vegan, you call him food.

If you're poor, you eat the skin.

Why couldn't the kid with Down syndrome play football?

Because he got all the downs.

So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.

Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.

Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?

Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.

Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.

When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.

You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.

Who's the bus driver?

You will never nose [know].

Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Why can't orphans see their parents?

Because they don't have one!

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"

Because he had to take one.