Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.
Kids Jokes
Why did the kidnapper cross the road?
To get the kids at the playground.
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What are emo kids' least favorite lollies?
Life Savers.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
Kid singing “abcd.”
Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
What do me and an emo kid have in common:
We both like to hang.
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
