Kids jokes

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"

Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

How do you name a Chinese kid?

Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"

Kid: Wanna hear a joke?

Me: Sure.

Kid: Why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no?

Me:?

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

I told a blind kid, "See you later!"

P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?

P2: I don't know.

P1: Wow, you sick fuck!

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"

The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

What does a kid at Epstein Island and MAGA supporters have in common?

They both can't get Trump's dick out of their mouth.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.

What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?

Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.

When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

how do u make a emo kid jump? a bridge.

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!