Kids jokes
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.
"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Memes
I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021
Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?
Kid: A garden?
Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?
I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.
What animal can jump the highest? The emo kids.
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
Kid says to genie,
"I want to be like Batman!"
Kid goes home, both of them are dead.
The emo kid tried to give the tree a high five. Unfortunately, the tree left him hanging...
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
What do you call an elite bungee jumper? An emo kid.
So a kid was crying... I asked him what was wrong.
I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE!