Kids jokes

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

A kid asks Trump:

Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"

Trump: "There they are, bud!"

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

Prankster kid: Knock knock.

Neighbor: Who's there?

...

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?

Shoot kids in them ;)

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

What does a blind kid and an orphan have in common?

They can’t see their parents.

The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.