Kids jokes
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.