Kids jokes

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

Why did the kid cross the road?

He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Yo mama's so ugly, even the kid in the wheelchair ran.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?

Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?

It died before them.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

A kid asks Trump:

Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"

Trump: "There they are, bud!"

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.