Kids jokes
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
If a depressed kid tries to high five a tree, it leaves them hanging.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
Willy Wonka meme
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.