Kids jokes

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.

Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.

What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?

The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!

What does an emo kid say when they wanna hang out?

"Wanna hang?"

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?

Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.

Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

What's common in vampires and American kids?

They both don't get old.

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

Why did the kid cross the road?

He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.