Kids jokes
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
Why do emo kids hate high fives?
They’re always left hanging.
Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.
A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.
Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
What does an emo kid say when they wanna hang out?
"Wanna hang?"