Kids jokes
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Why did the disabled kid cross the road?
(Why?)
He can't.
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw a wok down the stairs.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
Kid 1: "It's a bird!"
Kid 2: "It's a plane!"
Me: "It's a terrorist!"
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.
What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?
The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.
A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.
Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."