Kids jokes

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

How are rape and an airplane similar?

The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.

The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?

The Las Vegas shooting.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?

He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"

A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.

Why?

The kid had no legs.

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.