Kids jokes

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?

"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."

What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?

The Las Vegas shooting.

How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.

Why?

The kid had no legs.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?

He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"

I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.

House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.

What can jump higher than a basketball player?

An emo kid, they never touch the ground.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

Q: What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

A: Special forces.

I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...

"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.