I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
Kids Jokes
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who’s there?
Kid: Not your parents.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
Parents are like food—not all kids get them.
I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.
What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?
The tree leaves them hanging.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
Q: What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
A: Special forces.
