Kids jokes

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.

I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

I got detention yesterday because I called the group of emo kids the suicide squad.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.

Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

What was the African kid with water called...? The lucky one. 😭😭

I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hang out.

I've seen them hanging all day.

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."

I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.

A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.

What’s Helen Keller’s favorite game as a kid?

I spy.