Kids jokes

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

Go to an orphanage and tell a kid his parents came back.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?

The tree leaves them hanging.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

I got detention yesterday because I called the group of emo kids the suicide squad.

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.

Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.