Kids jokes

What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?

Neither do ever grow old.

What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.

What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

What can jump higher than a basketball player?

An emo kid, they never touch the ground.

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!

Teacher: What is the capital of Washington?

Dumb kid: The W???

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.

I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"

I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

I got detention yesterday because I called the group of emo kids the suicide squad.

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.

Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

Kid: Knock, knock.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Kid: Not your parents.

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

Parents are like food—not all kids get them.

What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?

If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.