Kids jokes

Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?

Weird Kid: Magazines.

What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.

What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?

An orphan.

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?

"U Can't Touch Kids."

If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?

Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!

Mom: Exactly.

A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"

The woman replies, "No, why?"

The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.

Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.

Why can't two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"