Kids jokes
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
I bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me, I'd give him 1000 dollars. He said deal, and I went upstairs.
Why can't two Asians make a white kid?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣