Kids jokes

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

The depressed kid went to high five the tree... but the tree left them hanging.

Who is the best at musical chairs?

The kid in the wheelchair.

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?

Why do trees never call emo kids?

The emos always hang up on them.

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.

What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?

The cancer came back.

Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?

Weird Kid: Magazines.

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."