Kids jokes

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

Who is the best at musical chairs?

The kid in the wheelchair.

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

The depressed kid went to high five the tree... but the tree left them hanging.

Why do trees never call emo kids?

The emos always hang up on them.

If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?

The cancer came back.

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.