Kids jokes

Difference

What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.

Funeral

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

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  • Wheelchair

    This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

    Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

    Wheelchair

    My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"

    Memes

    Dark Humor

    *Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

    Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

    Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

    Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

    Person 1: "...."

    Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

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  • Love

    A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

    Cellar

    What does a kid and wine have in common?

    Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

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  • ADHD

    Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

    Their focus is always off.

    Orphan

    I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

    Emo kid

    What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

    The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.

    Name

    There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

    Brick

    There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."

    Cousin

    My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"

    Pedophile

    what did the pedophile say to the kid?

    "Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

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  • Asian

    Why can't two Asians have a white kid?

    Because two wongs don't make a white.

    Ice Cream

    A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

    The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂

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  • Kid

    What do you call a kid with no friends?

    A Sandy Hook survivor.

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