Kids jokes

What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?

The suicide squad.

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

Why can't two Asians have a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!

What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?

Minesweeper.

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.

What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.