So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
Kids Jokes
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?
The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
Why can't two Asians have a white kid?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
