Kids jokes

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces.

What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"

The emo kid tried to high five the tree.

But the tree left him hanging.

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

I ran over three disabled kids.

"Cripple kill."

Stephen Hawking walked into a bar. Just kidding :(

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.