Kids Jokes

What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.

Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

Me: "/"

Dumb kid: What does homework mean?

Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?

Me:

"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"

Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?

Dad:

So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

He then told me how easy would that be?

I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."

Gym Teacher: "That's alright."

Other Kid: "Hush!"

Teacher: Ok kids, time to go home.

The orphan: What is home?

Teacher: Here, I have somewhere for you.

*puts in trash can*

What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?

The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?

Bunk beds.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.

What is yellow and can’t swim? A school, but full of drowning kids! 🤣🤣🤣

How do you make epileptic kids dance?

Throw a flash bang in their room.

Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?

To tie his kangaroo down, sport!

Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"

The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.

The kid asked him again and so on.

Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."

My wife left me yesterday.

I haven't talked to the kids in a year.

Me: punching a kid.

My FBI agent: You're adopted.