Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
Kids Jokes
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids drowning.
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I AM SO SORRY!
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
