Kid jokes
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
Americans: Miles per hour.
Europeans: Bullets per kid...
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder.
What's an autistic kid's favorite transformer?
Autistemist Prime.
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
Yo mama's so ugly, even the kid in the wheelchair ran.
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."