Kid jokes

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

What do a priest and a pedo have in common?

Nothing, they both like kids.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

Teacher: "Do you guys want to get in trouble?"

Kid named Teacher: *

What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

Sum ting wong.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.

Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.

What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

What did the tree say to the depressed kid?

"Stop hanging around."

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

Americans: Miles per hour.

Europeans: Bullets per kid...

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"