Kid jokes
Once, there was a kid named Cale, but his classmates didn’t know it was spelled with a “C,” so they asked him if he could be their snack.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
A kid walks into the classroom on time.
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
Who do Chinese people name their kids?
Throw the forks and knives down the stairs.
What's bald and can't grow no hair?
A kid with cancer.
What brings kids to school every day?
A school bus 🚌.
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
An obese kid farts.
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits until a kid is a teenager to come on its face.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”
That one kid putting Joe: -_-
Teacher: Who’s Joe?
The whole class: JOE MAMA!
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
What is the name of a show for kids?
Barney.