Justice jokes

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.

The police: You finally figured it out.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?

A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.

Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"

Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."

Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"

Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.

What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).

Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?

Yeah, neither have they.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.