Joke jokes

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

When someone tells me to kill myself,

Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

What do you call a ghost's fart?

A spirit bomb.

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate.

1 like = 1 more child in my basement.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

What do you call someone with a pindie spot?

Stop screen recording.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"

The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead.

What's black and white and red all over?

A massacre at a funeral.

I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...

All I got was "error 404 page not found."

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?

The feather.

The rope stopped the kid.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Surprise egg.

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.