Joke jokes

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he had someone to call a father.

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

When someone tells me to kill myself,

Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

What do you call a ghost's fart?

A spirit bomb.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate.

1 like = 1 more child in my basement.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

What do you call someone with a pindie spot?

Stop screen recording.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"

The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?

Because he's dead.

What's black and white and red all over?

A massacre at a funeral.

I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...

All I got was "error 404 page not found."

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?

The feather.

The rope stopped the kid.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Surprise egg.

The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."

Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.