Joke jokes
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
I would tell you a joke about pizza,
but it's too cheesy.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.
Why did Michael Jackson run?
Because he lost his glove.
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang."
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
What is black and at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking's after a fire.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
What is a "dad?"
Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!
He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.