Joke jokes
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
Have you ever walked through Stephen Hawking's house? No?
Well..... neither has he.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?
Stephen Hawking.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.
Like this if you think orphans are cool!
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A chopping board.
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".
How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.