Joke jokes
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.
Who says “white men can't jump?” They certainly did when the twin towers were falling.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
What makes sad people jump? Bridges.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
Did you know the F in Orphan stands for family?
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.