Joke jokes
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Q. What's the difference between pizza and an emo?
A. The pizza doesn't cut itself.
What’s a rapper’s favorite martial art?
Punchlines.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”
What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?
I tried to tell an Armenian genocide joke in Istanbul.
Nobody got it.
What do you call a door that bells? A doorbell.
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.