Joke jokes
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artificial Intelligence.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!