Joke jokes
A: Who can tell me a joke?
B: Life.
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
Why did I give an orphan the iPhone X?
Because it is the first one without a home button.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
What did the DJ say to the VEGETABLE?
"Lettuce turnip the beet!"
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
When are you from Delaware? You know!!! 📦
Worst joke Ever: What do you call a fat kom? A FAT MOM! LALALALLA!
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
What’s an emo's favorite singer?
Slash.
The Earth was flat once. 'Til yo mama got buried.
Funny.