Joke jokes
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss.
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.