Joke jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
What do you call a man without a body and a nose?
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.
(Just a joke, she's probably kind.)
Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven.
Oh, wait... never mind...
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.
Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.
What is the name of Hellen Keller's dog?
NYAHHH NYAHH NYUUUU NYAAHHHAADUUDU!
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
Another joke, I know they suck.
What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.