Joke jokes
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"