Joke jokes
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn't exist then.
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was hit by a bus.
Dark humor is like food:
Not everyone gets it.
Or a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was depressed.
What’s long, white, and full of cream? A cheese stick.
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
What’s 1+1?? The number of parents orphans don’t have!
What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?
Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
What do you call a lesbian? Me.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.