Joke jokes
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
What do you call a lesbian? Me.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
What do you call a fish with two knees?
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
What would you call four Mexicans drowning in a lake?
*Answer: Quatro Cinco*
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"