Joke jokes

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?

They both came in a little behind.

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

What did the north tower say to the south tower?

"You're too young to smoke."

Friend: “What's that on your arm?”

Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?

Trying to fit in.

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[