What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
Joke Jokes
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
