Joke jokes

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross country.

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?

Trying to fit in.

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready, kids?🤣

What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!