Your hairline so far back that five hour energy became five day depression
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she's going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he's Doing REALLY Well
Me: trys to scan self at walmart* i cant scan myself, wanna know why? Alfred: Why? Me: because im worthless... =)
Me: hey do you want to see my grandma. Friend: yeah sure Me: *pulls out gun*
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
friend: “ whats that on your arm” me: “ oh nothing just decided i wanted to cosplay a tiger “
What is red and white and goes 200 mph A baby in a blender.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated
what can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"it will be over soon"
is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What did the suicidal leperchaun say Irish i was dead
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
When I woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats and eye, but when hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people loose their shit?
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
