Joke jokes

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Hellen Keller went to go grab her bouncy balls.

Man: Ouch!

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.

Why are people disappointments? Because you are reading this.

I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.

kiibati orojo?

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...

Dark humour jokes are like water; some get it, some don’t.

I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"

What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no arms or legs? Names.

What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.

Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.

Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth?"

Girl, scan the code on your wrist.