Joke jokes
What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
"I told my black friend a joke. I told him he needs to lighten up!"
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
Jokes are like people. Some don't like the dark ones.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...
...I told him to lighten up.
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.