Joke jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"

I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.

When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."

What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!

What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?

How much did the haulla-cost?

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

What were Steven Hawking's last words?

Error 404 File Not Found.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: How do you breathe through that little thing?

Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?

Dad: Because she was made there.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.

A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Why do pedophiles never win a race?

Because they are always coming in a little behind.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

What's long and black? The line at KFC.

I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!

(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.