Joke jokes

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

What is black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.

What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.

What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.

If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

Why don't orphans like to get lost?

Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.

What do you call a dad in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country.

"I told my black friend a joke. I told him he needs to lighten up!"

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.

An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!

9/11 jokes aren't funny. They are just plane wrong.

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."