Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
What is black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: π.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: π³πΆπ.
My depression: π don't worry I'll always be here for you.
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
it was just a prank bro.