Joke jokes

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

The cabinet had sleeping pills.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.