Joke jokes

What do you call a blind German?

A notsee.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes...

...I told him to lighten up.

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

The cabinet had sleeping pills.

What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?

Finger-food.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.

Why did Paul Walker cross the street?

Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.