Joke jokes

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?

They both light up the room.

What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

The cabinet had sleeping pills.

I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.

What do you call a blind German?

A notsee.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.

Why did Paul Walker cross the street?

Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?

Finger-food.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.