Joke jokes

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What do you call a blind German?

A notsee.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

The cabinet had sleeping pills.

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?

Finger-food.

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.