Joke jokes
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?
They never get old.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.