What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
Joke Jokes
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.
What's the difference between orphans and cotton?
Cotton gets picked.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
