Joke jokes

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?

They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

What do you call a single bisexual?

All bi myself.

What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?

Steven Hawking after a house fire.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: How do you breathe through that little thing?

Wanna hear a terrible joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

Dark humor is like water. Some people get it, some people don't.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."